Today, at 11:45 am, I dropped Aulden off at daycare for the first time. I had decided to do a 1/2 today in pm, and 1/2 tomorrow in am. Then our first full day would be thurs when I go back to work.
So this morning I really was fine, but as time started creeping closer, I found myself holding him more, even snuggling tighter. Then by 11:30, I felt I needed to just do it- ripe it off like a band aid. So changed his diaper, and off we went- the full 3 miles down the road.
I was ok in the car, and even as we went into the room. It wasn't until the teacher asked me to get him out and put him in a swing so she could show me everything. Aulden was fully awake and he just looked at me. It broke my heart to know I wouldn't be with him all the time. I started crying, and the teacher felt bad for me so that made it worse.
I walked out to the car to get the diapers and the young woman at the front, trying to be encouraging, said it would be ok. I wanted to ask her "how do you know that, you are not old enough to even reproduce, so how do you know my heart will stop aching just because you said so.
He didn't cry when I left, and I tired to hurry so I wouldn't hear him in the event that he started. But when I got in the car to leave, I couldn't breath.
Thus the ugly crying for a full hour.
Even now at 1:48, after I met James for lunch, and went to Target- I am still crying :)
That is the hardest, and most painful thing I have ever done.
Then plan is to pick him up at 3:30....... and we will do it all over again tomorrow.